The Middle
by Lamia's Shadow
Summary: New pen name and new story title. This is the middle, where all things begin. You will learn the beginning as you go along. The end will take care of itself.
1. Catcher in the Rye

Title: Catcher in the Rye  
  
Author: Lamia's Shadow  
  
Rating: PG-13 to R for explicit and extreme violence, gore, and language  
  
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Jhonen Vasquez, and everything else belongs to me. Title belongs to JD Salinger. No infringement is intended nor is any money being made - this is purely for entertainment purposes. Please don't sue me, I have no money. (So there!)  
  
Summary: Of snow and madness...  
  
A/N: Hello there... My first JTHM fic, so R/R and be nice! Umm, I might change this and write a couple more chapters for this, but I'm not sure...Give me your opinions.  
  
A/N: Right, well thank you all for your lovely reviews. I got tired of everyone pointing out my inaccuracies... Please excuse my incompetence as I present this chapter again, hopefully this time with less obvious errors. A second chapter is in the works right now, and you will probably catch wind sometime this week or next, no later... I promise. cheeky grin Reviews!!! Thank you SO much!  
  
A/N: A new name because I didn't like Lamia2, and Lamia was already taken. So here is Lamia's Shadow. I lost all the reviews in this process, so I hope that you guys will re-review, or review if you did't the first time around. Thanks a lot!  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~  
  
It was cold. Not just cold, but freezing. A bone-cold wind, blowing lustily, cleansing the air and leaving behind a chilly bite. Nny loved it. He stood by his window, absolutely enchanted with the view he was presented with - his front lawn covered with endless drifts of pure, white snow.  
  
"Beautiful, isn't it?"  
  
Nny whirled around to see Nail Bunny hovering behind him, a figment of a hopeful smile on his face. Nny allowed himself a ghost of a thought of a smile in return.  
  
"Yes it is." After a pause, "I think I'll go for a walk Nail Bunny."  
  
And so this is how Nny found himself wandering the streets of his town, encased only in a light jacket so as to not hamper his mobility and to enjoy the cold.  
  
This is nice. This is actually enjoyable. The world looks so clean and pure underneath a blanket of snow. Yes, snow, the stereotypical epitome of innocence. Today you show your true talent. Who would ever think that anything was capable of softening the harsh glare of this town and muting the painful stupidity of its inhabitants? But this, I can appreciate.  
  
Nny admired how the lamplight shone on the snow, making it glow. He liked how the sound of snow falling was the only sound he heard, muting everything else save his heartbeat. Nny thought about a smile.  
  
Yes, this is quite lovely.  
  
Nny stood still, admiring the snowflakes as they mindlessly tumbled down into oblivion. The sheer intricacy and beauty of the snowflakes was mesmerizing, and Nny wished that they wouldn't fall so fast so that he could properly admire them.  
  
Without realizing, Nny's wandering boots had taken him back to his own house. For a moment he could almost forget everything that lay within his house. Those four walls held so many secrets, so much pain and torture. But with the snow falling and blanketing the world with its false innocence, Nny could almost forget about it all.  
  
Nny looked over to Squee's house and was secretly delighted to find Squee outside, vainly trying to build a snowman. Nny decided that his assistance might be appreciated.  
  
"Hello there, Squee."  
  
Squee spun around, and upon ascertaining the identity of the speaker, clutched the remains of Shmee closer to his little body.  
  
"Hello, Mister Scary Neighbor Person", Squee hesitantly replied.  
  
He's afraid of me, Nny thought. How cute. But what is this? Nny frowned when he saw Squee shaking, hands and lips blue from the cold. Apparently, his pathetic excuses for parents had thrown him out into the snow without anything resembling proper protection from the elements.  
  
"Are you cold, Squee?"  
  
Squee swallowed hard. "If I am, will you kill me?"  
  
Nny was amused. "No Squee. I am in a very good mood today. The day is beautiful and no one is about. I think I will give you my jacket so you will be warm."  
  
Squee looked suspicious, but relaxed when Nny really did take off his jacket and draped it around him. Squee smiled.  
  
"I am making a snowman, Mr. Scary Man Next Door. Would you like to help me?"  
  
Squee looked hopeful. Probably trying to please me so I won't kill him. But why would I? Though I hate to admit this, I believe that I am fond of the boy. He is still innocent and good, and desperately craves love and acceptance. He should know these things - I do not want him to turn out like me.  
  
Nny discontinued that train of thought. "I will help you Squee. You are a very good Squee."  
  
The smile that Squee had on his face was endearing, and Nny liked the idea that his acceptance of Squee's offer to help him build a snowman might have been the cause of it.  
  
And so Nny started to help Squee build a snowman. This was how they found them.  
  
"Well look what we have here. It's the freak, playing with a runt."  
  
Nny tensed upon hearing those words. Up until this point, his day had consisted of quiet thoughts and reflections on the world, the sight and silent sound of falling snow, his conversation with Squee, and the subsequent construction of a snowman. Before he could turn around, a hard, round, snowy projectile made its presence known to Nny by rudely smacking him in the head. The result was a burst of cackles, crude and loud, like hyenas.  
  
Nny turned around. In front of him stood three guys. He did not want to stereotype them as they did to him and call them Jocks, but there was no other description for this particular group of boys.  
  
"Ooh, what's a matter, freak, cat got your tongue? Are you too much of a freak to talk?" This elicited another burst of hysterical giggles.  
  
Nny was getting mad. His hands tightened into fists. He clenched his jaw. His eyes darkened and lowered.  
  
"This day has been a very nice day. Until you three came along, my companion and I were minding our own affairs and building a snowman. The satisfaction of this day may still be salvageable if you three leave without incident, NOW." Too late Nny realized the three would understand only about five words of what he had just said.  
  
"Heh, heh, I think the freak's asking to have its ass kicked. What do you think, guys?"  
  
"Yeah, a good ass kicking. Only freaks talk like that. You must be a freak."  
  
"Yeah, and what's with that hair and those boots, freak? What are you, a freak or something, freak?"  
  
Laughter, then they began to converge on Nny.  
  
Nny clenched his jaw, his nails dug into his palm. He wanted to say that he tried. After all, it had been such a nice day...  
  
"I must ask you once again to leave me and my companion in peace. We would like to go about our business, free from your presence and your small, ignorant minds, and if you do not leave us alone, I will not be held responsible for whatever ensues." They were really ticking him off.  
  
The three stopped, confused. "What did he say?"  
  
"I don't know, but I think he just insulted us."  
  
"Let's kick the freak's ass!" "Yeah!"  
  
Nny sighed. He turned and said, "Squee, close your eyes." As he turned back to the three Jocks, the first boy lunged and tackled him to the snowy ground.  
  
Nny rolled away from his tackler and stood up.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU RUIN MY DAY!!!" He kicked his tackler who was still lying on the ground. Bright red blood spurted from his nose as he lost consciousness.  
  
"Do you know how hard it is to find even this faint figment of contentment!?! DO YOU!?!"  
  
In a flash, a knife was in Nny's hand, then in the second boy's thigh. He screamed as he went down, joining the first boy on the ground, staining the snow even further with their red, red blood. Then Nny set his sight on the third boy, who was by now cowering by the lamppost.  
  
"You immature, ignorant, primordial morons! You are the bane of society, the embarrassment of mankind! Your continued existence perplexes me! Why haven't you accidentally killed yourselves yet!?!"  
  
"Hey man, you're even more of a freak than I thought!"  
  
Nny felt the calm coming on, the one that helped him weather the storm.  
  
"YOU FUCK!!! DO YOU EVER CONSIDER THE RAMIFICATIONS OF YOUR EXISTENCE!?! YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF STUPID SHIT!!!"  
  
Nny grabbed Squee's mailbox and proceeded to try to stuff the third boy's head into it. The result was the third boy's matter slowly staining the snow on the street. Some of it splattered on Nny as he stood over the boy, ruthlessly and methodically plummeting the mailbox repeatedly onto the boy's head.  
  
"YOU ABOMINATION OF INTELLIGENCE!!! YOU SICKEN ME!!!"  
  
And with that, Nny dropped the mailbox on the boy and turned to the first and second boys. Their blood was now slowly ebbing into the snow, staining it a bright crimson. It looked very pretty in the snow. Squee quietly whimpered as he held Shmee in front of his eyes. Only one boy was conscious, the one with the knife in his thigh. Nny kicked the other boy's head hard, prolonging his unconsciousness. He then turned to the boy with the knife in his thigh.  
  
"Hey man, I'm sorry. It's just that you're such a freak and I wanted to beat you up because you look so faggoty that I was sure I could take you. C'mon, no hard feelings. Let me go."  
  
Nny watched the boy sob, snot running down his face as he pleaded for his life.  
  
This is the excrement of the Earth. The sickness that plagues humanity. This thing with a mind too small to look beyond girls, beer, cars, and football. This weak person, this bug. He had been having such a nice day until he came along. Nny bent down, coming face to face with the sniveling scum on the snowy ground.  
  
"And why should I let you continue your miserable existence you pathetic thing? Your only function is to pick on people who are different from you. Why should I let you live? Tell me, why?"  
  
The boy shuddered. Nny's voice was calm, quiet, slightly amused even.  
  
"You gotta man. I have a girlfriend, and I haven't boned her yet. If you kill me, then I never will."  
  
Nny's face twisted into a grimace of rage and disgust. "YOU SICKEN ME!" Nny yelled. "Dig a hole for me to dump your body in, you filth!"  
  
Sobbing and complaining about the knife in his thigh, the boy began scooping out handfuls of snow with his hands. Nny watched and stopped him after a while.  
  
"Now, for your eloquent words..." Nny viciously pulled out the knife. The boy howled in protest, clutching his leg. Without a moment's notice, Nny hacked off the leg.  
  
"Oh my god! You FREAK!!! Lookit what you've done!!!"  
  
Nny only smiled and chopped off the other leg. The boy screamed, and continued screaming as Nny chopped off his two arms. He finally stopped when Nny decapitated him. Covered in blood, Nny took the body parts to the snowman he and Squee had been building and put the limbs in their appropriate places. He stuck them in deep to make sure they would stay, putting on the head last. "Look at the snowman, Squee" Nny said before he turned to the last boy, who was still out. Nny went to the lamppost and unwrapped the fake wire garland that served as a cheap acknowledgement of the coming holidays and went back to the boy. He then quickly and efficiently wound the garland around the boy, wrapping him up tight so he could not move. Nny finished just as the boy regained consciousness. Nny grinned that manic grin of his.  
  
"I've always wanted to do this. I suppose you can help." And with that, Nny dragged the boy into the hole the second boy had dug and put him in there, face down. The boy struggled against the garland as Nny started piling the snow on top of him, taking care not to cover the head. He wanted to see what would happen.  
  
The boy struggled, but to no avail. Nny had tied him too tight. The air was filled with the sound of the gasping chokes of his last moments as Nny stood above him, fascinated, watching the boy slowly asphyxiate from the frost and ice that was forming around his nose, cutting him off from the oxygen rich snow. He was soon dead.  
  
Nny sighed. His day was ruined. The light that looked so nice on the snow now made the snow look like it had been urinated on. The blood on the snow was very pretty, but Nny was too upset to care. He began to become irritated at how he couldn't appreciate the falling snow. All the snowflakes were mindlessly tumbling down into destruction, melting before Nny could begin to appreciate its beauty. And though he didn't feel it then, Nny became consciously aware of just how cold it was.  
  
Squee whimpered when he uncovered his eyes. The noise startled Nny out of his depressive haze.  
  
"Oh, hey there, Squee. Sorry you had to witness that. Anyways, I'm going home. My day has been ruined. I finished the snowman for you. Good night."  
  
Squee had nothing to say. Nny turned and left, tears coming to his eyes as he thought about his loss. The old feeling was rushing to him again, engulfing him in its apathetic arms, smothering away any figment of contentment he might have created this day. The nothingness he felt was vast and lonely. The tears froze to his face before they could tumble mindlessly to the snow below, making Nny colder than he already was. Angry and depressed, Nny returned home.  
  
TBC... 


	2. Ender's Game

Title: Ender's Game  
  
Author: Lamia's Shadow  
  
Rating: PG-13 to R for explicit and extreme violence, gore, and language  
  
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Jhonen Vasquez, and everything else belongs to me. Title belongs to Orson Scott Card. No infringement is intended nor is any money being made - this is purely for entertainment purposes. Please don't sue me, I have no money. (So there!)  
  
Summary: The aftermath and the question of friends...  
  
A/N: see below  
  
And on with the story...  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~  
  
Nny felt disgusted with himself as he ripped off his clothing. Angrily, he threw them into the washing machine, dumping an obscene amount of laundry detergent in with them. He was satisfied only when he had set the machine to go through his clothes twice. When he had everything going, he stomped off, muttering darkly all the while. When Nny had come out of the depressive haze he had fallen into after killing the Jocks, he had been horrified to discover that his rather strenuous activities had left him covered in blood and gore from head to boots.  
  
How dare they? HOW DARE THEY? Get their bodily fluids all over ME?!? They have left me completely covered with their blood, this liquid that has pumped mindlessly throughout their bodies, sustaining their worthless lives. Is this their petty form of vengeance for their trivial deaths? I am a walking disease carrier, and this is probably going to get my floor dirty too...  
  
Contrary to logic, Nny kept a very clean house despite his rather messy hobbies. His basements might be nothing more than houses of torture and blood, but his actual house didn't have to be. In fact, Nny was very meticulous with the sanitary tendencies of his living space, taking almost as much care with it as his victims. Despite his furious and disgusted state while storming around his house, Nny had taken care not to drip onto his floor for fear of staining it. Thoughts of staining his floor made Nny even more mad than he already was...  
  
Damn it, if it stains, I'll have to have someone clean it before I kill them... Damn Jocks and their extremely drippy blood. Blood that's ALL OVER ME!!! I'm covered in the blood of JOCKS!!! Oh angry asbestos, WHY?!? God, I feel SICK, DISGUSTING!!!  
  
Nny continued on like this, ranting at the top of his lungs, stepping carefully so as to not get his floor dirty. He only started to relax when he saw his bathroom door.  
  
I hope I didn't accidentally leave a body in there. I don't want to have to clean that up. I am in desperate need of a shower, and I really don't want to have to haul a body down to the basement when I'm covered in another's bodily fluids.  
  
Nny sighed when he opened his bathroom door. No body, to his relief. He stepped into the shower and turned the water on, as hot as it would go. Nny hissed as the boiling hot water hit his body, both from the heat and from the stark contrast to the low temperatures he had just been in. The pain did not lessen, but Nny didn't mind, relishing it as he grabbed the soap and began to methodically scrub his body. His body became one large red streak as he furiously scrubbed every inch of it, even the small spaces between his fingers and toes. After he finished scrubbing his skin raw, Nny grabbed a small, stiff brush and started scrubbing his nails, making sure that no small pieces of matter or blood had gotten lodged in there. When Nny finally finished scrubbing his body, he began to work on his hair. He dumped shampoo on his head and began to rake his fingers through his hair, scrubbing it so hard that his head started to hurt.  
  
Nny smiled as he stood under the unrelentingly hot water. He felt clean. He watched contentedly at the water as it swirled away, soapy and pink from all the soap, shampoo, and blood that had previously covered him. Nny stood under the hot water a little more, then turned off the water and got out of the shower.  
  
Nny grabbed a thick, clean towel from the rack, and looked at himself as he rubbed his body and hair dry. His skin was raw and red from the harsh scrubbing and hot water. Little droplets hung from his haphazard and messy hair. He looked at his face. The man looking back at him was red and raw, but clean. A slow, satisfied smile appeared on the man's face because of this fact.  
  
The cool air of his bedroom felt deliciously soothing on Nny's skin as he stepped out of the steaming bathroom. Wrapped in a towel, Nny padded over to his closet, looking for something to wear. He emerged from his bedroom moments later, encased in a warm pair of black pants, a black shirt with "Smile, You Fuck" emblazoned on it, and a light jacket. Nny went over to the washing machine and took his clothes out to inspect them.  
  
Not one speck of blood. No brain matter from the third boy. I was afraid that all that blood from the second boy was going to stain, but it didn't. Nope, no blood anywhere at all. Everything's clean, like me.  
  
A satisfied smile started to appear on Nny's face as he loaded his clothes into the dryer. He like this clean feeling, this feeling that came only in the aftermath of killing someone. He was clean, his clothes were clean, things were clean, and the Earth herself was a bit cleaner for ridding herself of a couple of her diseases. The calm and quiet Nny felt in the aftermath was always worth the killing, the only time his inner daemons would let him rest. Nny felt ugly, hated himself when he was killing. He tried not to think during those times, instead focusing on his feelings and relying on his hate and anger to carry him through. But in the aftermath, his soul felt purged, his problems seeping away like the blood of his victims. He became beautiful, clean, human. It was an all-together rare feeling.  
  
"Hello there, Nny", Nail Bunny greeted as Nny walked into the living room. "Hello, Nail Bunny." Nail Bunny mentally grinned. It was very rare indeed that Nny returned his greetings in like kind... he must've just cleaned himself up after killing someone. Nail Bunny winced, sad that this sane side of Nny came out only at the expense of bloodshed and human lives, but then he had never had to pay this price. Nail Bunny was only present to reap the benefits.  
  
While Nail Bunny was contemplating this, Nny had stopped in front of the window, startled by what he saw. Outside, the world was a portrait of white. Thick, angry flurries of snow swirled in the air, buffeted around by the wind like ethereal marionettes. Nny could see nothing - no sign of his yard, of the snowman he and Squee had built, of the Jocks - Nny couldn't even distinguish the earth from the sky. All Nny could see was a wall of white.  
  
"Everything is all white, Nail Bunny," said Nny, surprise evident in his voice.  
  
"Yes Nny, a blizzard started after you came back. It's been raging for about an hour now."  
  
Nny fell silent as he looked out of the window, entranced by the violent, haphazard motion of the snow that raged outside. Silence reigned, and Nny heard even his prisoners' cries mingling with the wind that was moaning through his basement. Distractedly, he thought, "I need to make sure they don't die of hypothermia. The basements don't have heat like the house does." Nny ignored the fact that the cracks in his house far outnumbered the actual amount of solid wall that he had, and that the heater had never worked. His illusion of warmth was more comforting than reality.  
  
After a pregnant silence, Nny surprised Nail Bunny by softly saying, "It looks pretty cold out there. I hope Squee got inside okay. Maybe I should go check on him..."  
  
"Nny, like you said it is pretty cold out there. And no matter how endearing I find your concern for your neighbor, I think you should wait until the blizzard blows itself out before you attempt any such course of action."  
  
"That's okay Nail Bunny, I don't mind the cold." Before Nail Bunny could protest, Nny was already out the door.  
  
Nail Bunny was right - it was cold out. In fact, it was freezing. The cold was shocking, and stole Nny's breath away the moment he stepped out of his house. Shouldering himself against the mad, snow-laden winds, Nny slowly began to trudge over to Squee's house. Each step was an effort, and it seemed as if the snow was trying to suck him down into their white depths. Nny was suspicious. The wind was so cold and icy that breathing started to hurt. After a small eternity, Nny reached the large, gray blob that was Squee's front yard, and was glad to find Squee nowhere in sight. Because of the lowered visibility, however, Nny walked around the yard just to make sure that Squee was truly inside and not just buried under a pile of snow. He didn't find him, but instead, found the snowman that he and Squee had built. That was all that he found, though. Squee was hopefully inside, the second boy was now buried under a pile of snow, and the gore and body of the third was nowhere in sight, presumably buried under a thick layer of snow as well. All that remained of Nny's earlier activities was one blood soaked snowman, buried up to the waist in snow.  
  
Well, how nice, the snow has covered up all evidence of my... ugliness. But it's nice to know that I am capable of long-lasting and sturdy craftsmanship. Nny poked the snowman's head. The mouth was still open in an eternal, soundless scream. As if anything could be heard in this cacophony. The wind howls so loudly - it's the only thing that I can hear, drowning out everything else... sort of like the snow.  
  
Nny stood still and looked around, having nothing but endless, unrelenting white meet his stinging eyes, broken only by the grotesque mutation in front of him. The snow swirled around him, howling in his ears, screaming at him, obscuring his vision. The sheer whiteness of the sky and the ground, the indistinguishability of it disturbed Nny.  
  
Everything is so empty and alone. If I died out here, no one would find my body until the snow melted. No one would even look for me - my body would be an unwelcome surprise. No one would mourn my death or mark my passing. My death would only serve as my own personal release from this fucked up world. No one but me would know. Who would care if I died out here? Who the hell would even notice?  
  
Nny looked down, and through a haze of tears, noticed that his fingers had started turning blue. He turned around, realizing that he would soon get terrible frostbite if he didn't get out of the snow. As his boots tiredly plodded home, his racing thoughts quickly became morbid, causing his tears to fall faster. The cold made them freeze to his face, making Nny colder than he already was.  
  
This unending whiteness, all around me, engulfing me in its apathy, in its icy embrace. I rush towards it with open arms. How much worse can this be than the life I am living? This sweet, numbing apathy, this deep, dark coldness... I welcome it. It is my brethren, matching the cold emptiness and loneliness that I carry within.  
  
Nny hunched into himself as he sunk further into his depressive self-destruction. His lips were blue from the cold and his skin had a faint blue tinge to them, but Nny never noticed. His eyes were not there - they looked inward, becoming dark pools of despair. Nny stumbled into his house and fell on the couch, the relative warmth of the house making Nny realize how cold he really was. He draped a blanket around his thin shoulders and curled in on himself, silently lost in his self-created grips of depression.  
  
"Nny, what's wrong? Are you okay?"  
  
Silence, then, "I just feel so damn empty and alone, Nail Bunny..." It was a sad whisper, one that Nail Bunny barely heard.  
  
"Well, maybe you should invest in a human companion, one that you could talk to", Nail Bunny hesitantly suggested.  
  
"No, Nail Bunny, it would never work out. My forays into human interaction never turn out well. Devi almost killed me. Edgar Vargas died anyways. And conversations with my victims don't count as human interaction, they're self-inflicted torture. I am not meant to have a human companion. They would never understand, they would never understand anything." Nny fell silent as Nail Bunny tried to think of something to say. Then, quietly, almost as if to himself, Nny whispered, "But it would be nice to have someone to talk to..."  
  
"Well, what about Squee, Nny? Maybe you could talk to him." Nail Bunny was being optimistic.  
  
Nny sat up and shook his head. "No, Nail Bunny, I cannot talk to Squee. I protect him, not the other way around. I will not burden him with the knowledge of the world; I will not stain him further. He will not be like me."  
  
"But you are quite possibly the best thing that will happen to his life," Nail Bunny countered. "Maybe you should try it out before you make your decision."  
  
"I said NO, Nail Bunny." Nny was sitting straight up, claw-like hands feebly clutching the thin blue blanket around his razor-thin frame. "I told you, he WILL NOT be like me. I will not fuck him up!"  
  
Nail Bunny was starting to get annoyed. He was only trying to help. Then he brightened up. "Well, you were intrigued with that Edgar Vargas character, even though he died anyways. Maybe you could talk to some of your victims before you kill them, or maybe not kill them at all..." Nail Bunny trailed off suggestively.  
  
Nny sighed, and dropped his head into his cold hands. His voice was tired and sad as he said, "Nail Bunny, they are my victims for a reason. I would not take them into my basement if they had not in some way wronged me. But they did, all of them did. They are unthinking, unfeeling creatures. They cannot look past their own primeval urges, they know of nothing except for themselves and their own self gain, and they can do nothing but cause undue pain and suffering to others."  
  
"Nny, I'm just suggesting that you talk to some of these people before you kill them, and if you find them interesting, like you found Edgar Vargas, well... maybe you should talk to them and let them go, instead of killing them. Maybe you should let them be your friends..."  
  
Nny's head shot up, his eyes bright and shiny with a mad glint in them. Nail Bunny mentally sighed. Nothing good could come of this. "Friends? You want me to be their FRIENDS?!? They are in my basement for a reason Nail Bunny! They all deserve to die for their selfishness and malice. They are the plague of humanity. They are rude, dirty little greedy creatures that will cut a man down just for a laugh! They are the people who ridicule me to no end, with no mercy, the people who beat me up and kick me when I am down just to reaffirm their manhood to their fellow primates or to impress their girlfriends! Do you want me to show them mercy when they showed me none?!? Do you want me to simply wave off the cruelty they showed to me, say it's all over and done with, and skip off happily, hand in hand, into the sunset? These people only know how to toss out ridiculous insults and kick my ass. Do you really expect them to be able to carry on a coherent conversation? Do you REALLY expect me to accept them as my FRIENDS?!?"  
  
"Well, Nny, you do tend to exaggerate sometimes --"  
  
"Exaggerate? EXAGGERATE!?!" Nny jumped up from the couch, face twisted in rage, hands fisted up at his sides. His body became taut and rigid, a conducting rod for his anger.  
  
"FUCK YOU NAIL BUNNY!!! The assholes that you suggest as candidates for friends are the ones who are responsible for all of this, for me, for you, for everything! Do you know what it's like to be a flusher, Nail Bunny? Do you know what it's like to be the universal toilet bowl for human emotional shit?!? DO YOU?!?"  
  
Nny was starting at Nail Bunny, and he found it hard to meet those intense eyes. Eyes so full of anger and pain.  
  
"Goddamnit Nail Bunny, they are the ones who made me who I am today. They are the ones who fucked me up!!! They live in their small ignorant worlds because I took the knowledge away from them. I took away the ability to see the world for what it really is, a seething cesspool of hate and filth, of pure, unadulterated ugliness! I experience all the pain for them, I cry all their tears for them, I see it all for them, I hate myself because of them!!! And all I get in return are taunts and insults, ass-kickings and physical scars. They place me on a pinnacle of human suffering so the world can mock me, so others can target me for mental abuse and physical beatings! You want me to be FRIENDS with these people!?! I don't need friends, I need revenge! Do you think I kill for no reason? I kill them because they made me what I am!!! Look at me damnit!"  
  
Nny was screaming now, tears streaming out of his eyes as he stormed around the room, randomly punching and throwing things. Occasionally he would pull out a knife and stab at the air, or in Nail Bunny's direction.  
  
"It is because of THEM that my life is a living hell!!! All I'm doing is just repaying the favor, returning some of the pain and misery. It is only in THEIR pain that I am momentarily freed, that my burden is slightly lessened!"  
  
As if to illustrate his point, Nny hurled himself at Nail Bunny, a knife gleaming dully in his hand. Fortunately for Nail Bunny, he was not real, so Nny just sailed right through him. Unfortunately for Nny, he himself was made of physical stuff, and violently smashed into his wall of knives. Impossibly sharp blades rained down on Nny as he slowly slid to the floor, blood running freely from the seemingly hundreds of scratches he had sustained. One knife in particular ended up deeply embedded in his razor-thin arm, which was even now warm and slippery with his blood. The sight of it shocked Nny and calmed him down some.  
  
"Nny..." Nail Bunny was concerned for Nny, but also too shocked to say anything more.  
  
Nny's face scrunched up, a huge sob escaping his thin body as he said "Oh, Nail Bunny..."  
  
Nail Bunny didn't know what to say as Nny started to cry, huge wracking sobs that ripped through his painfully thin body as he laid on the floor amidst a sea of dully glittering blades and dark, crimson blood.  
  
"Look at me, Nail Bunny. Look at what I have become. How did it ever come to this? I have no one to talk to, no one to confide in, no one to commiserate with, no one."  
  
"Shh, Nny, don't talk, just calm down and rest. Try to stop the bleeding." Nail Bunny was quite alarmed with Nny's emotional outburst and its violent repercussions, and so did not know how to react. As Nny lay quietly sobbing on the floor, Nail Bunny noticed just how young Nny was. His skin, which was even now streaked with blood, still looked soft and translucent, starkly pale when contrasted with his own blood. The skin underneath his eyes was heavy and dark-grey in color, damning evidence that attested to a lifetime of sleepless nights. Nny had never before looked so young, so vulnerable, so lost...  
  
"I'm just so goddamned cold and lonely, Nail Bunny... So cold and alone..."  
  
Only Nny's quiet sobs could be heard in the house as he slowly crept towards a warm, black unconsciousness.  
  
TBC... 


	3. The Tell Tale Heart

Title: The Tell-Tale Heart  
  
Author: Lamia's Shadow  
  
Rating: PG-13 to R for explicit and extreme violence, gore, and language  
  
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Jhonen Vasquez, and everything else belongs to me. Title belongs to Edgar Allen Poe. No infringement is intended nor is any money being made - this is purely for entertainment purposes. Please don't sue me, I have no money. (So there!)  
  
Summary: The thoughts and ruminations of an imaginary bunny...  
  
A/N: The second time around. See below...  
  
And on with the story...  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~  
  
Upon reflection, a figment of an imagination does not necessarily have to feel. It can, upon the discretion of the imaginer, merely be a mirror of emotions, or a puppet of the imaginer, feeling whatever the imaginer wants it to feel. Or, if you wanted to be totally without imagination, a figment of an imagination does not have to feel at all. It is, after all, a figment of an imagination.  
  
Apparently, Nny had imagination. A lot of imagination. Enough so that Nail Bunny could sustain itself as an independent figment of an imagination. And right now, though Nail Bunny could not cry, it felt the emotions that a mother might feel if she were in the darkest pits of despair. Shock, fear, concern, guilt, but mostly heart-wrenching grief. He could not look at Nny, and he could not look away. Here was a small boy, lying in a congealing pool of his own blood, looking for all the world like a homicidal and suicidal maniac. But Nail Bunny had once cared for Nny, as Nny had once cared for him, and Nail Bunny represented all that was sane and logical with Nny. And so, Nail Bunny saw past the blood, saw past the violence and the hate, and he saw what no one else saw. He saw a child. He saw pale, translucent skin, still incredibly soft and fragile to the touch. He saw painfully thin limbs and body, saw the need for nourishment. He saw deep anger and sadness, saw endless confusion and hurt, and most of all, loneliness. It was this overwhelming sense of sadness and loneliness that made Nail Bunny wish that he had a physical form so that he could just scoop up this sad scrap of a human being and just run away to some remote location, someplace where no one would be able to find them, to hurt them, to hurt Nny, so that Nail Bunny could erase all the pain and make everything better again.  
  
There was hope, and there was despair. Because Nail Bunny knew that this would never happen. Because Nail Bunny was not made of physical stuff, because Nny himself would never allow it. As much as he hated the world, the world needed him to survive, to keep from devouring each other in primitive orgiastic feeding frenzies that even the most base of animals would be terrified of. No, there was no solution to the problem, no seeming end for Nny's suffering. Whatever good could happen, either Nny, the world, or circumstances would ruin it, turn it into something wrong, skew it into a grotesque mutation of original intentions. And so, Nail Bunny could do nothing more than feel bad for Nny. 'Fat lot of good that will do.' Nail Bunny darkly thought to himself.  
  
Nail Bunny continued this futile train of thought for some time. So engrossed in it he was that he did not even notice when Nny began showing the first signs that he was still alive. When Nny finally woke up, he was stiff and cold. He was also a bit scared.  
  
"Nail Bunny?" Nny hesitatingly called out. "What am I covered in? What happened?" Nny had fallen unconscious, forgetting most of what had transpired before he had so intelligently hurled himself into a wall of knives, thus grievously injuring himself.  
  
"It's blood Nny." Nail Bunny's voice floated to Nny, and a moment later, Nail Bunny appeared in front of him, a slightly chagrined yet sad look on its face.  
  
Nny looked about him, looked down at his clothes, his body, stiff and cold with dark brown blood all over, at the dried blood that was not only on him, but on his knives, the floor around him, splattered on the wall, everywhere. It seemed as if something very savage had just happened, a murder that only the twenty-first century could produce, and though Nny was not unfamiliar to the concept of grisly acts of violence in his home, he did not remember such an act occurring within the recent past.  
  
"Whose blood is it, Nail Bunny?" Nny asked, confusion coloring his words.  
  
Heavy sigh, then "It's your blood Nny. All of it is your blood."  
  
Nny took these words in with silent shock, looking around, amazed that all this blood could come from such a small and thin body. He was completely covered in a thick layer of dried blood. He was glad that he did not have carpeting, for if he did, it would now be so deeply stained that Nny would have to reinstall it. The wall had vivid, bold splashes of blood, a desperate attempt at trying to pass for a bad piece of modern art. And all around him lay knives, his knives, glittering in the moonlight, most of them sporting new, dried blood coats, all of them still impossibly sharp. Because Nny honestly did not know how to feel, did not know how to react to the situation, to the damning evidence of... something... that covered not only himself but most of his living room, Nny decided not to react. All his befuddled mind could offer was to help Nny stand up and begin cleaning up the mess.  
  
He first gathered up his knives - there were a lot of them - and take them to the sink to clean. The knives were, after all, his instruments, his beloved tools, and one must always take care of their tools. So Nny gathered them all up, took them to the sink, and washed them, one by one, taking care to dry them thoroughly. 'Mustn't let them rust', he thought.  
  
Then, he ran some warm water into a bucket, dumped in a healthy amount of soap, grabbed a big, thick sponge, and started to clean the blood off the walls. The warm, soapy water first turned pink, then red. By the time the wall was totally clean, the water was a deep, dark red color. Then Nny went to work on the floor. He went to get a mop and started to clean the floor in earnest, harshly rubbing the mop across the floor, sweating with his ministrations. As with the wall, the water turned pink, then red, before finally settling on a deep dark crimson.  
  
Through it all, Nny stayed silent, not quite knowing what to say or how to react. Nail Bunny stayed silent as well, since he too did not know what to say or how to react. He just floated there, content to watch Nny in the same sort of denying confusion that Nny was in.  
  
Living room and instruments satisfactorily clean, Nny stood there, lost, not knowing what to do since there was nothing else to clean. Nny looked at Nail Bunny, and once again, Nail Bunny was struck with how young Nny looked, how much of a child he still was, still, in many ways, so innocent and vulnerable. Nny looked like he was going to say something, thought better of it, and walked towards the bathroom. Moments later, Nail Bunny heard the shower running, and he was relieved. Relieved that Nny was out of the room, that he had spared him from saying something, from reacting.  
  
In the back of the house, in the shower, Nny hissed as the scorching hot water made contact with his skin, but he did not move. He stood dutifully under the unrelenting onslaught of the water, head bent, watching the water turn pink with blood.  
  
'With my blood' he thought. And the thought scared him more than he would ever admit. He stared at his arms, his skin, his body, marred with hundreds of tiny scratches and cuts. "How did it come to this? These tormentors of mine, these horrible, mindless things, desperately running with their heads down towards nothing, running until they die, teaching their offspring to do the same. Am I the same, thinking that I am different?" Nny smiled, gave a small snort of laughter. "It is not enough that I avenge myself on them. It is not enough that I rid the world of their filth and ignorance, not enough that I expunge humanity of its more ... uglier... components. It doesn't matter what I do. They will still hurt me. They will still find a way to ruin what little figments of contentment and peace I have. Even today, ruminations on them have forced me to turn on myself. They will always find a way to hurt me. Who ever would have thought?"  
  
Nny was sad. He felt it, welling inside of him, knowing that it would soon explode into a mushroom cloud of rage and grief. And Nny, being alone and too tired to care, let go. Letting his psyche be the canvas, he let the emotions roll across it, let it play and fuck, let it beat each other up, assert it's individual dominance, and in general, let them devour him and spit him back out again. And as they wrecked emotional havoc, Nny remembered, in picture perfect clarity, every single person he had ever hurt, every person he had murdered. It was a long time before he was finished. And Nny remembered, not from his perspective, nor from their perspective, but from no perspective. Nny was a by-stander, observing without commenting, simply passing through but not participating, indifferent and apathetic. And somehow, this was a hundred times worse than actually being the victim, than being killed. Because Nny not only saw his fury, his calculated coldness and dementia, he also saw the victim's painfully slow movements, their absolute ignorance and fear. Seeing all of this together, and simply not caring, made it all worse, made the pain unbearable. Tears streamed down his face, washed away in a second, becoming oblivion. And, like a child, naked and alone, Nny curled into a small ball and cried.  
  
TBC...  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~  
  
A/N: I come back from obscurity, or at least from a lack of ideas and an unhealthy surplus of reality. After finally getting an idea and getting off of my lazy ass, you now have the third installment of my story. Really missing those reviews, so you know what to do. To all those that review, thank you for your continued support. To all those who don't review, start reviewing. Even if it's just a review saying that you've read the story, because I've walways wondered how many people have just read it. Anyways, hopefully you enjoy this, and if you would like to see something included in the story or see the story go in a particular direction, don't hesitate and drop me a line... I sorta don't have any idea myself, so feedback would be greatly appreciated!  
  
A/N: The second time around, making bits of modifications, everything falling into the grand scheme of things... Yeah, next chapter my grand plan will be revealed... (I'm sorry, I haven't had enough sleep. Please excuse my inanity.) 


	4. Through the Looking Glass

Title: Through the Looking Glass  
  
Author: Lamia's Shadow  
  
Rating: PG-13 to R for explicit and extreme violence, gore, and language  
  
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Jhonen Vasquez, and everything else belongs to me. Title belongs to C.S. Lewis. No infringement is intended nor is any money being made - this is purely for entertainment purposes. Please don't sue me, I have no money. (So there!)  
  
Summary: The beauty of Nature  
  
A/N: see below  
  
And on with the story...  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~  
  
Nail Bunny shivered. He heard Nny crying in the shower, and his heart broke into a million pieces. Angrily, he thought 'Why does it have to be him? Why can't he be just another dumb kid, stupid but happy, ignorant but unaware? Why does he have to carry this burden?' Nail Bunny felt very helpless, sorry that he was entangled in this cosmic soap opera. He wished that he could have just stayed as a bunny. It was simple then; his only objective was to eat, defecate, and sleep. Survival. It was the only thing that he was concerned with. Everything else was just extraneous, a creature comfort but not necessarily critical. He remembered those days, how simple it was, how happy he was just to be fed and warm, just to be alive.  
  
Nail Bunny looked up when Nny's cries stopped emanating from the back of the house. 'But now,' Nail Bunny thought, 'things are infinitely more complicated. I am a figment of an imagination, I live in Nny's head, and his psyche sustains me. Damn, that sounds a lot worse if you actually spell it out than just accept it. God, I look after a homicidal maniac that rammed a fucking nail through my head because he didn't want to lose me! Though I do admit that it is touching and charming in a grotesque way, the dumb whelp killed me!' He mentally sighed. 'But hey, what're you gonna do? The poor bastard still needs me, and if it weren't for me, he probably wouldn't be alive right now. Dumb kid. God knows I love him.' This knowledge was what kept Nail Bunny from giving up all hope on Nny. Because he loved him, he was bound to him, and obligated to help him however he could. He was obligated to try and make Nny happy.  
  
When Nny finally came out of the shower, his skin was red and blotchy, as if he had subjected himself to another one of his barely bearable hot showers. He looked lost and confused, like a scared little child. Nny looked up at Nail Bunny, and Nail Bunny flinched under the gaze. Nny's eyes were so full of confusion and sadness, but worse of all, Nail Bunny thought he imagined seeing faint vestiges of hope in them. And it was this hope that forced Nail Bunny to turn his gaze away.  
  
"Nail Bunny?" Nny's voice floated to him, sounding as lost as Nny looked.  
  
"I'm here, Nny" Nail Bunny said before his form materialized.  
  
"Oh," Nny lamely said, looking at Nail Bunny with slightly confused but ultimately blank eyes. He stared at Nail Bunny for a very long time, not moving a muscle, showing all the signs of having been turned to stone.  
  
Then, as abruptly as he had fallen into immobility, Nny started, as if realizing something. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw something move. Quickly, Nny's head whirled over to the window, and what he saw was Nature's beauty manifested.  
  
"Look Nail Bunny, out the window." Nny dragged a chair over to the window, and sat down in it, hugging his knees to his chest while looking out in childish wonder and delight. Nail Bunny followed Nny, smiling at his behavior.  
  
'It's a beautiful whiteness', thought Nny as he gazed in awe out the window. The snow storm was over, and the winds had driven away all the clouds, leaving the sky open and clear. The sheer beauty of it was breathtaking. Before him lay a carpet of snow, not only blanketing his yard, but the whole world it seemed. Lights from windows were barely able to spill out from the houses, the snow thwarting all their best efforts at spoiling their whiteness. The silver moonlight shone down on a glittering blanket of white, transforming the snow into something else, something that held infinite possibilities. It reminded Nny of happiness and beauty, and he sat in quiet awe of it. He looked up and his breath caught. Above him was not the sky, but an eternal expanse of deep, dark blue velvet, into which a large bag of diamonds had spilled out on. Each star was madly trying to outshine the other, their efforts lighting up the sky in a spectacle of heavenly beauty. But their light could not compete with the light of the moon. The moon, the crowning jewel in the spectacle of the heavens, the luminescent pearl amongst a background of sparkling diamonds, all set into an eternity of midnight blue velvet, all set out in the sky for everyone to see.  
  
"All set out for me" Nny breathed. Nail Bunny watched as Nny fell into silence, watched as his eyes glazed over. He knew that Nny was no longer seeing what was in front of him, but was looking into another time. He still kept a small smile, and Nail Bunny dematerialized, content to just stay quiet and watch.  
  
'Somewhere, someone is warm and cozy inside their respective abode.' Nny thought. 'A child, with the glorious wonder found only in children, in awe of the world, taking a brief respite from his adventures as an exotic and daring explorer.' Though Nny's body was present, it did not move. His eyes were open and looking out, but he did not see. Nny had gone away, content to live in his head than in reality.  
  
Nny remembered...  
  
Fin.  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~  
  
A/N: Though this particular individual story is finished, the actual story is not. I had a lot of ideas for this story,and I actually have a clear vision for what I want it to be. But as I started writing it, I realized that it would be too long for one story. So I decided to break it up into three individual sotries that actually told just one story. The first part of it's done. Most of the second part has already been written, and I will be posting them on a semi-regular basis. I hope that you have enjoyed the first part, and I really hope that you will continue it by looking for the second part of this story. It will probably be called "The Beginning". Anyways, hope you liked, hope you review, you know the rest. Thanks for reading, and I hope you'll go on the second part!  
  
-Lamia's Shadow 


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